Why Our Anger Can Mean We're Growing

I’m experiencing emotions I wasn’t expecting. I’d thought all the inner work I’ve been doing - starting the day with centering, being more present throughout the day - would help me be less reactive.

But more recently, when a neighbor walking their dog turns around when they see me and my AmStaff (aka pit bull) pup approaching, I get angry. Instead of letting it go like before, a whole narrative forms in my mind about their assumptions and judgement. When I feel dismissed for sharing my opinion, instead of making excuses for their thoughtlessness, I come back with even more intention.

So am I going backwards? One of my favorite mantras has been “I choose peace instead of this.” But lately emotions are bubbling up that feel like the opposite of peace. Instead of choosing serenity, I’m at times allowing narratives with no filters and no grace.

As I’m learning always happens, when I earnestly ask for answers, they come.

I got my answer this past month in a class that’s part of my year-long certification program on the Enneagram. Another participant shared an experience during Q&A of seeing herself in two movies - one as a needy child looking for approval and recognition; the other as someone who’s always been fully loved, encouraged and supported.

She was struggling to accept either reality as being true, and trying to reconcile these contrasting scripts was confusing. At times, she’d unexpectedly find herself responding to situations in emotionally explosive ways. Boy, could I relate!

A feeling of peace and relief washed over me just seeing the looks of understanding and compassion on the faces of our instructors. Clearly, I am not alone in what I’m experiencing. It’s normal - part of being committed to a path of growth and transformation. Here’s a glimpse of what they shared:

As we grow in our capacity of consciousness and compassion, the more raw and most difficult parts of us that would have been too overwhelming earlier start to emerge.

It’s so affirming. To know that the centering practices I’ve been doing every day for 6 months has prepared my heart to look openly at the parts of me that felt too ugly and scary to face before.

There are parts in all of us that need to be seen, shared and understood. Parts that we’ve cut off or hidden because they were too painful to be with and to process. And yet when we do the work of looking within ourselves with curiosity and compassion, we see the wholeness of who we are. And we realize why we feel so wounded and incomplete.

I’ve done a lot of workshops on Imposter Syndrome. I’ve heard stories from many of not belonging, feeling unworthy and underserving. Instead of investing more energy into understanding the causes of this so-called-syndrome, I’m committed to finding solutions that address the root of our feelings of lack.

Why don’t we realize that we’re amazing beings with unlimited potential? Why don’t we feel the life force energy that’s all around us and know that we’re part of it all?

One of the most powerful realizations for me is that this life force energy wants to create and manifest through each of us. We’re not separate, and we don’t have to seek our path of meaning and purpose in random, desperate ways. This discovery has brought me the peace and clarity I’ve been seeking. And it’s giving me the compassion and courage to look at all the parts of me - even those that felt too ugly and scary before.

You won’t feel whole until you’re willing to look openly at all your parts. If you’re ready, that’s the work I do and I’d love to have a conversation.